I was born and raised as a Christian Reformed Pastor’s granddaughter.  I went to Sunday School, and learned all the Bible stories, memorized all the verses, earned all the “memorization reward” cards, earned all the perfect attendance pins, I attended Christian school grades 1-12, I went to catechism and youth group every week,  I sang in the choir in grade school, and in church.  I knew that God reigned over all, and that God existed.  I knew about Jesus and the crucifixion and the Holy Spirit.  I knew that God loved me.

I made profession of faith because “it was time”.  I went to all the missionary conferences and heard their testimonies.  I even gave my tithe on all the money I earned at my summer jobs. I went to a Christian College for my first 2 years of my college career.  I knew all the answers to all the questions.  I had a vision of Jesus beckoning me to come to him.

So why did I feel so alone, and lonely, and unlovable?   Why did I feel like there was something missing in my life?   I heard people who had not been in the “family of God” very long talk about Jesus as if He were their best friend, and heard them talk about hearing Him talk to them and lead them in His ways.  This only made me feel more lonely and unloved.

So I began a quest to “find God”.  I took every Bible class my church offered, I made a point never to be late for EVERY Bible study my church offered.  One class I took was a class teaching the techniques of neighborhood evangelism.  As one of the first homework assignments of this class, I had to write out my testimony.  This was the most difficult assignment I ever had.  After hours of agonizing over the empty paper, I realized that I did not have a testimony.  I knew OF God, but I didn’t KNOW God.  I had a wealth of head knowledge, but no heart knowledge.  I did not know who God was to me, personally.

Until I realized that the mighty God, who created the universe and all things in it by speaking a single word, left heaven and wrapped up in human baby skin because HE LOVED ME, EVEN BEFORE I WAS BORN!!!!, all my knowledge was a waste.  Suddenly, I began to see me through God’s eyes, and I was a beautiful, loveable, and capable creation, created to fulfill God’s purpose!  Suddenly, attending church and Bible reading and “clean living” were no longer a chore, it was learning more and communicating with my BEST FRIEND,   God loved me, and proved that to me in a great and miraculous way when He sent His beloved son to walk this earth FOR ME!  What love and gratitude fills my heart!  The creator of the Universe came to be living in that same universe because I am a sinner with no way to earn entrance to the presence of God.  Jesus made the way possible for me to be welcomed into God’s house and into God’s presence, because God loved me so much and wanted me to be in His presence,  even though I was dirty, ugly and covered with the nasty, filthy garments of sin.

I wish I could say that life has been one long path of ease since I received Jesus into my life as Lord, and Master, and Savior,  but sin still exists and Satan still has power in this age for a “short while” yet.   There have been trials, and deaths of loved ones, and struggles with finances, and separation from dear ones, but overall, I have a hope for the future.  Underlying the “events of life” I know that Jesus wins in the end, in fact He has already won the battle!!!!  I now understand what Paul means when he gives his testimony and still can refer to his life as “these little trials”.

God is still in control of everything that happens in my life and in yours,   This gives me peace so I can wake up every morning and KNOW beyond the shadow of whatever doubts that the enemy gives me, that I am alive for a reason and that God still has work for me to do here on earth as long as He gives me breath!  Praise the Lord for His salvation plan, and allowing me to have a part in it!